ぶっちゃけバイクはどこに売るのが一番？
「バイクを売ろう」と思っても、第一どこにバイクを売ろうか迷いますよね。バイクの買取サービスを行っている業者は大手業者から個人店までさまざまです。どこでバイクを売ればいいのか迷ってしまいますよね？
バイクはどこに売るべき！？
バイクを売るには、下取りか買取もしくは個人売買、オークションなどがあります。個人売買やオークションは、乗り物という意味で何かトラブルがあったときにはリ大きなスクがありますし、直ぐに欲しい人が見付かる保障もないので、そういう意味でも大変かもしれません。
その点、バイクを売るときにリスクをとりたくないのであれば下取りか買取という方法があります。下取りと買取でもそれぞれメリット・デメリットがあります。
まず、下取り店のメリットは、店頭販売できそうな人気車種には高額査定が出ることもあるということです。そしてデメリットは、店頭販売できないバイクや、旧車、カスタムバイク、事故歴には弱い、買取できないケースこともあります。
次に、買取店のメリットはバイクを無料で出張査定してくれますし、基本的にどんなバイクも査定できます。またバイク王などの全国展開している会社は、地域性がなく全国統一価格で査定してもらうことができます。デメリットがあるとすれば、バイクを買い替えたい場合は、バイクを新たに違う店舗で探すのが面倒ということくらいでしょう。
バイクの個人売買がおすすめできない理由
バイクを売る方法にもいくつか種類があるとご紹介しましたが、「バイクの個人売買をするのが一番良いですよね？」という質問がありますが、オークションも含め、バイクの個人売買は大きなリスクが伴うため、あまりおすすめできません。
バイクは人を乗せて数十キロで走る乗り物です。万が一、売ったバイクが事故を起こした場合に「運転中、バイクが動かなくなって、転倒した。不良品だ。」と訴えられてしまうこともあるのです。※もちろん悪意がなくてもです。
さらに「走ってみたらエンジンの調子があまりよくない」「よく見るとバイクの傷が多い」など、後からクレームがくるなどトラブルになる可能性だってあるのです。こういった「クレーム」の処理まで自分でやるのはかなり大変ですし、精神的にも疲れてしまいます。
それに比べて、バイク王でバイクの査定をしてもらって買取をしてもらえば、変な話、明日壊れても関係ないというのが最大のメリットでしょう。（そんなバイクがあったら査定のときに見破られてしまうと思いますが。笑）ちょっと大げさに言い過ぎましたが、バイクの買取の契約が成立し現金を受け取ればそれで終了というわけです。リスク回避のためにも、バイクはバイク買取専門店に買い取ってもらうのが一番ではないでしょうか？
バイク買取専門店なら、バイク買取実績ＮＯ．１のバイク王！まずは、バイク王の無料出張査定をお願いしてみてはどうでしょうか？
（バイク広告バナー）
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Hello!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The truth is more important than the facts.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
AIgGPII http://monroelug.org/ Xanax
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Hi there, what's up you guys???
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Hi there, what's up you guys???
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Hi there, what's up you guys???
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Hello!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.